it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
