guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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