Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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