Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
