Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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