Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
