Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
