help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
