i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
