At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
