listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
