I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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