Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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