theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
