You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
