I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
