Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
