i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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