I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
