thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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