Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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