i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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