I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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