Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
