i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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