i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
