Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
