You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
