Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
