it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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