We should be called the Road Head Warriors
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
