this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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