Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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