I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
