I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
