Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
