I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
