At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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