if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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