Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
