I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
