So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
