Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
