I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
