my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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