Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
