i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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