I just saw a hot homeless man
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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