Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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