that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
