he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
