I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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