I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
