why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
