He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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