Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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