I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
