Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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